In other g*dsdamn news, my former polycule continues to pressure the people they have bullied, manipulated, maligned, blamed, and harmed for a written account from at least on person directly affected by their actions. With the unspoken caveat that that person needs to be a moral exemplar of relationship health, or whatever. Looks like it’s me, y’all.
So. I’ll be modifying the drafts I have so that they fully present the toxic and entitled campaign for control and exploitation run by the Fenzorselli household members this week. I’m super looking forward to it, in that a root canal sounds better but my body won’t let me sleep like a normal human until it’s done. I don’t know how else to honor the people far more hurt and far more violated than I can claim to be, except by being first, by making it okay, by exposure.
I will be sharing this on my own terms, which means comments will be disabled, screenshots of the specific request for me to share my experiences in detail have been collected, and I will be calling on the army at my back to signal boost every syllable. If my account is going to leave me exposed, vulnerable, raw, hurt all over again, and face the kind of aggression, invective, victim-blaming, and dismissal I’ve seen thus far, I am going to make sure my entire social network will see it. I will not be redacting names, and I will not be vague. I will not be kind or understanding.
And here is why: The response to “ouch” is not “no, because…,” or “Your feelings are liars.”
The response to being called to accountability for your actions is not to continue to masquerade as an authority or spokesperson for the values you yourselves have violated.
Arguing with survivors about the validity or details of their experiences is simply abuse apologetics. Demanding that a survivor of abuse give every detail of their story is, for starters, damaging. Secondly, unless you are specifically their mental/emotional health professional, you’re not actually equipped to help them troubleshoot their experiences in a responsible way. Third, It is not necessary to know the exact details of someone’s report of abuse, exploitation, or assault to respond with a modicum of compassion. Can you tell I cannot even? Because folks. I cannot even.
This is going to go poorly for me. But I would rather see it go poorly for me than watch my silent sisters continue to be dishonored by this seething entitled bullsh*t toxicity. I will not countenance it. I will continue to protect them and their stories, but I know that continuing to shield myself is the wrong thing to do.
I am now calling for every supportive person in my life to rally around me. Sh*t will be getting ugly this week. Be my armor, loved ones.
Out come the wolves.