Privacy and Patterns

So then I discovered that a person known to me has logged into my email and, as far as I can tell, my Facebook account.

This behavior is consistent with things I’ve seen the person in question do in the past (in March, for instance), and it’s for sure consistent with their other covert information-seeking behavior.  Based on that, I’m not inclined to believe it was an instance of seeing, “Whoops, this person is accidentally logged in on my device!  I’ll just log them out super quick.”  The device in question has been back with this person since March or so, and the last login to my accounts from it was April 26th.  I’ve contacted google to see if they maintain reports on login activity beyond the most recent login, so that should be interesting to find out.

It now makes perfect sense how this person was so certain of details in my life I had not shared publicly.  It substantiates the pervasive feeling of entitlement in their communications with me.  It further demonstrates a pattern of their behavior that had already put me in a tremendously uncomfortable position once before, and in which I had no desire to participate.

I took screenshots of the suspicious activities, changing my passwords as I went and linking authentication to my mobile.   Then I went to therapy.  I explained what had happened (blessedly, my therapist is excellent at mapping other people out in her head [she doesn’t take notes and yet remembers my whole life it is uncanny] so I didn’t have to explain who was who) and spent a little while oscillating between how it was probably all a big misunderstanding or mistake or actually not a big deal probably and being like, “Ok but yo, this shit scares me and makes me feel hella unsafe.”  I let Sarah read the email exchange that prompted yesterday’s blog post, feeling sheepish, like it was silly high school dramatics and that I was making an enormous mountain out of a moderately-sized molehill.  She opened with,


So, you know, there’s that!

We talked a lot about entitlement and unspoken expectations.  I haven’t had someone avail themselves of my private communication without my permission (to my knowledge?) in … probably nearly ten or eleven years.  Probably because the age group that generally feels like that behavior is appropriate is, you know, no older than twenty-five.  We also talked a lot about when people choose to make someone else’s behavior About Them, and steps I can take to hear my own instincts more clearly in the future.

Now, I have an article to flesh out and pitch on an amazing performance I saw last night.  I’m sure all of this will be brewing in the background but the clouds in my brain are clearing as the morning progresses, and I’m super excited about the article I’m pitching.

Privacy and Patterns

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