Have we discussed how Laura Roslin is my Science Fiction Patron Saint?
She isn’t flawless. It’s one of the reasons she resonates with me as a person so much. She, like the best of us, gets swept up in the force of circumstances and must atone and make do as best she can. She’s sentimental and ruthless in turns — I can relate. She’s resilient and forceful. She’s unimpressed with your bullsh*t, and her instincts are well-developed. She is also someone worth having around in an actual crisis. I can relate. She takes the starkness of her mortality in stride, managing to love ferociously anyway. She knows what it means to have to make irrevocable decisions on short notice and simply live with the consequences, imperfect as they are. And she’s usually right about who to throw out the airlock. You know. Usually.
I’m a bit squishier than she is at this stage in my life, but hey. I’m young. Cut me some slack. There’s time. It actually turns out that Ros is a fairly decent screening process for most people daring entry to my life and heart. Chances are (and the data shows this to be the case!) that if you are not down with L-Ros, we’re not going to get along for long. You’ll admire the wrong things about me (my compassion! my good looks! The things you need, rather than the things I enjoy!), you’ll want needs met I’m uninterested in meeting (basically anything having to do with free therapy, a fight you think you can win, sex that doesn’t serve me, endless endless support without reciprocity, narcissistic supply, validation of your ego, or someone who pulls punches to hand-hold you through life with perpetual patience and nary a word about her own desires, needs, or limits), and I’m gonna end up making this face, when we’re done:
So all of that said, I’ve been channeling President Roslin a lot these days. Life has required a lot of me, lately. Don’t get me wrong — Veni, vidi, vici, bros. But I could use a lie-down once the dust settles. Maybe a trip planet-side. Stretch my legs and feel the sun on my face. I’ve still got a Cylon or two showing up on my sensors, and I’m throwing some serious shade in the direction of one Gaius Baltar (eugh, what a ceaseless chode), and any collection of Sixes and disciples he might have at his disposal; but it’s mostly bright stars and blue planets these days.
I’ve had to make some pretty fast choices with incomplete information, state uncomfortable truths with as much grace as circumstances will allow, and maintain some semblance of diplomacy in the face of intractable assclowns in order to extract myself from situations that no longer serve me or my goals. It’s been an adventure. I’ve also needed to look my partner in the face and apologize for how hard things have been. How I haven’t been my true self. How sometimes my decisions might have been the right ones and gone poorly anyway. How some of my choices were the wrong ones and went about as poorly as, perhaps, a less thinly spread person could have anticipated. There have been some crying jags. There were days when hope felt far away — days where change felt completely out of reach. But here we are.
Throughout, I think it has been helpful to have models available in fiction to shape our responses. Adama-Roslin is a relationship we both hold in exceptionally high regard, and desire for ourselves and each other — maybe minus the cancer diagnosis, but hey. We don’t call all the shots, do we? One of the things that helps is that they’re both rather obstinately principled people whose principles are not always in accord with their partner’s. And yet, decisions get made.
Orders are issued and executed in the spheres proper to the influence, authority, and expertise of each individual. Autonomy is flexible, but preserved, respected, and intact at all times. Our conflict is healthy. He does not balk at the vastness of my emotional landscape, nor do I expect him to disclose his without being asked. There is also a medium-sized human who looks to both of us, now, to augment her sense of family, support, and acceptance. She has some Starbuck moments (sometimes heartbreaking to watch, but also inspiring), these days, and we expect and look forward to her impetuous and opinionated nature to continue to assert and reveal itself as she grows. She’s bound for greatness, and bearing witness to that is a singular honor and joy. It helps that she’s irreverent, hilarious, and insightful in turns.
So. Saint Laura Roslin, guide my thoughts, words, actions, and occasionally, sartorial choices on this day and the days to come. Continue to grant me shares of your courage, decisiveness, determination, curiosity, and razor sharp wit. May I always reflect the pride I have in my partner out into the world, and feel with depth and intensity for the people worthy of my care. This, in the names of the Lords of Kobol. So Say We All.