We are the Makers of Meaning, and We are the Dreamers of Dreams

Today, kids, I’m learning about Object Model Diagrams.  It’s been a long time since I’ve done anything with UML (we’re talking… 2002-03, probably) so I’m pretty rusty.  The use case I’m working with is fairly straight forward but remembering the details of parent-child diagrams and how many-to-many relationships work in practice, and how to properly note the carry-over of an object in one area of the system to its role in another area is for sure, a thing.

I’m also doing mah jerb, and looking forward to a birthday frand-date with Ginny and potentially, Caitlin later tonight.  I’ve been tired as all get out this week, and I’m looking forward to the trip to New York this weekend in a big way.  In the plans are: frands, ice cream, tea, cocktails, brunch, ART, and me remembering that NYC is huge and wearing the correct shoes.  I’ll be doing work on the Megabus ride both there and back, with the goal of conquering some interview-relevant milestones.  There’s a company I have my eye on in a big way, and they have some openings for Associate Technical Consultants who are open to filling a lot of different roles and taking on a lot of new experience.  It’s a little more Dev Heavy than the positions I originally envisioned, but I like the salary curve, and coding does make me pretty happy.  Sadly, I’m missing the Girl Develop It Intro to Java Class this weekend, but might start to take a peek over on Code Academy to see what I’m in for the next time it’s offered.  I’ve also really enjoyed the work I’ve done in Ruby and front end stuff like HTML/CSS, so it helps knowing that development does agree with me.  ::casts dreamy looks over at the Flatiron School’s new program in Philadelphia and blows it kisses post-dated for 2017-18::

I really do wish I could find some way to have more hours available to me to devote to all of this in a day, but that is sometimes how life is.

I’ve also reflected a lot on the contents and pace of my life and interaction lately.  So many things I have valued and missed terribly are just run of the mill, now.  The pace at which I learn, process, emote, react, communicate: It’s All Just Fine Again.  I am often left with long stretches of time in which I am alone with my thoughts, which is invaluable to me.  I am surrounded by people who carve out and hold space for me.  No one in my life has the One Right Way to do anything.  Everyone seems to understand that truly silly humor and true exchange allow me to maintain my presence and availability.  I sometimes go a whole day without checking my email or text messages, and no one complains or gets hurt feelings or demands an explanation — because my need for space and time alone is not about or because of anyone but me.  I have a lot of open social invitations, but they’re truly open for me to accept or decline with the confidence that the people I love know I make good decisions about how to spend my time.   This is pretty vital, especially now that professional skill development is probably as high or higher on my priority list than… well, nearly anything.  That’s a temporary state of affairs, obviously, but people hanging in there with me on weeks when I’m like, “I’d love to see you but I have to stare at a computer and mess with this piece of code for an indefinite period of time.  Want to come over and read while I do that?  I’ll heat up something to eat,” is pretty fabulous.

It is pretty stellar knowing that the only person in my life who is entitled to my time … is me.  It makes my choices about the little time I do have feel… better?  I don’t have a lot of standing dates or obligations to people who are not myself.  I try to schedule an hour a day at least of “professional leveling up”, read 50 pages (though it is usually more) of something daily, and practice Swedish for a little bit.  Tom and I try hard to spend time together one day a week (though these days, there are a lot of quietly working in the same room and offering to make each other tea type dates) and I try to keep my weekends pretty low-key.  I haven’t attended a party of more than five people in at least seven or eight months (GLORIOUS AF). It seems that I’ve found a space and tribe for myself that is perfectly happy with the set of challenges I’m interested in facing (sticking to tasks, making good decisions, supporting my health and well-being, advancing my career) and don’t feel the need or desire to add things to my list that don’t align with my values or character or quirks.  Like honestly, what I need in life right now is someone to remind me to prioritize things like remembering to eat when I am hungry, laugh a lot, let people take care of me when they offer, be more okay with saying no, enjoy small pleasures, be proud of my successes, and not work all the damn time.   Basically none of those reminders have anything to do with meeting other people’s needs, being more available, doing more things, or showing up places to please others, or being around people that take more than they give.  Introvert.  Dream.

I’m filled with gratitude, and so excited to share my gradual successes, milestones, and prosperity with the people who are actively supporting me and making change a more living possibility for me. In the meantime; Work, Reading/Diagram Drawing, Snacks and Fun, Sleep.  Tomorrow is my Friday, since I’ve taken off for my birthday to prepare for NYC trip, and I have to say that for a birthday week?  This is one of the best and most promising yet.  ❤

We are the Makers of Meaning, and We are the Dreamers of Dreams

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