Announcement:

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be migrating my web presence to my new domain.  I haven’t yet decided if this blog will remain here, if I will migrate and password protect my content, or if I will migrate the relevant content to a tumblr where narratives of problematic relationship dynamics reside, as a reference.

For those of you asking, I won’t be responding to That Thing.  It’s seventy-four pages of pretty transparent tripe, and I just don’t think it requires response from me.  It demonstrates more of my points than I ever could have hoped to explain; so frankly, my interlocutors have done more to show the unrelenting toxicity and disregard for agency inherent in their choices than I ever could have done.  Moreover, a great deal of what is printed in it appears without the consent or request of any of the parties involved, and I think linking to it, discussing it, or bringing more attention to it stands to magnify the damage, hurt, and violation That Household insists on perpetrating.  The people who know and love me know what I went through because they saw it happening, and see the person I’ve returned to being since I made the decision to leave.

The advocates and organizations with whom I’ve corresponded have removed a highly problematic person from a position of authority and authoritative speech about consent and autonomy.  That needed to happen, and I am satisfied with that outcome.  The other outcomes I desired were personal, and largely orbit around my willingness and ability to accept myself, and allow others to do so with gratitude and joy.  My friendships and relationships are happy ones, chased by this stupid black cloud that will, eventually, dissipate.  I’ve fulfilled my obligations to vulnerable members of my community and I am happy with that choice.  I have used my voice, good outcomes obtained, and I will be handing off my part in this process to key leaders and trusted friends.

I would like to be free from the jingoism, pugnacity, dogmatism, and entitlement engendered and enacted by That Household, and choose at this point to excuse myself from all but essential dialogue about it and them.

I have a few (paid!) web design projects to work on, in addition to an (unpaid, but hopefully long-road lucrative) [redacted] project, so you might see me post about those things here, but gradually things are going to be archived, cataloged, and handed off to the appropriate parties for safekeeping and entrusted use, should the need arise.

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Announcement:

5 thoughts on “Announcement:

  1. I hope if things get password protected, there will be a way for those of us who follow you to sign up, or something.

    Also, I just wanted to say that I stopped reading partway through those 74 pages because I’ve dealt with/dated people before who have…I don’t know how to describe it, other than *that* kind of attitdue. A strong desire to very nearly ALWAYS be right. The willingness to talk/badger someone into an exhuastion, even after the person has repeatedly said “I am exhausted and cannot engage anymore. you need to stop” and then jump all over that person (and call them a liar) when the person later says “I was exhausted and agreed to things I didn’t mean, because you wouldn’t stop badgering me”. A close-to hair-trigger near-obsession with lies, lying, and discovering that people around them “lied”. Things labeled as lying may include if the “lying” person changes their mind (“no, you didn’t change your mind, you felt that way the whole time, you just lied about it”), has a misunderstanding/miscommunication (“no, you didn’t misunderstand me. I know you really undertood me and just lied about it”), disagrees with an opinion (“no, you don’t actually disagree with me. you really agree, but you’re lying and disagreeing to be contrary/fuck with me”), or has a personal truth that the other person doesn’t like (“no, you don’t really believe that. you’re just saying that you believe that to fuck with me. nobody with a brain would *actually* believe that. why are you lying to me about believing that?”). And so many other things, but just listing them all out making me feel a little…upset.

    So reading all that writing after awhile both got a bit triggering and also caused a certain amount of despair to well up, because a particular person who acts much like that who was in my life was *so* good, in so many ways. *So* close to being a truly wonderful person, and was a wonderful person 90% of the time, but that 10% when things went south were so incredibly toxic AND…they’re never going to get it. You know? Someone who processes the world like that, I don’t think they’re ever going to get it. They’ve got way too much invested in absolutely needing to be Right to ever get it. It’s so sad and disheartening; it felt heart-breaking to me.

    I’m so glad that you’re recovering from dealing with that. I hope you stay strong and keep doing wonderful things with all aspects of your life. And I hope there is a way to keep reading your blog, because it really is inspiring, funny, interesting, and a highpoint in my day to read (I guess I want you to keep blogging for at least somewhat selfish reasons :). I really hope it continues.

    1. Hey Liz! Once I make a firm decision and start to migrate content, I’ll be letting people who reach out know how to find what they’re after. (: I’m so sorry to hear we share some crappy experiences in common. I will absolutely be in touch. ❤ – RD

  2. I will not be reading the thing. I have heard enough from people who have to know that it’s not worth my time.

    We’re dealing with a person who has helped shape a household incapable of true introspection, awareness, or willingness to accept meaningful responsibility. All of their good qualities (and I think they all have some good qualities) are being overshadowed by this need to be right, to win, and to not give an inch.

    My past mistakes are mine, and I acknowledge them, own them, and have tried hard to improve myself. This is what they fail to grasp; mistakes don’t condemn us forever, unless we fail to own them. Had they all accepted and dealt with their own mistakes a year ago (6 months ago, or even a month ago), we would not be here. Relationships would have been lost, but with the right responses in the beginning this would not have happened in any way like this.

    There is no “winning” here, anymore. All that is left is a crater which will mire the local poly community for a long time, and none of it had to happen. Anyone who reads this 74-page thing and thinks badly of me or anyone else who has been attacked within it will have to content with who we are now and where we are going. Where we are going is forward, bettering ourselves and healing. But the source of this tripe is merely digging in deeper, and I hope they realize it before many years of continued toxicity catches up with them. Nothing is more tragic than looking back after a lifetime and realized how stupid, petty, and blind you had been because you didn’t want to be wrong.

    I also will not be responding to this.

  3. I have no desire to read his words. I have read the defenses of enough abusive monsters in my time, including my own personal monsters. They are all the same.

    You are the bravest and best. That is all.

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