Dudes, I am /tired/. I also look like this, now *gestures toward the cute girl in the right-hand margin*:
I have a buncha stuff to do this week, including complete a character sheet and background for a new and exciting tabletop character, figure out what I need to do to get started programming in Ruby, talk to a friend about database administration, submit my resume and cover letter to [redacted] for an informational interview, meet up with Felicity because it’s been decades since we’ve hung out, and drive to New Hampshire for a LARP event this weekend whereupon I will likely perish of exhaustion and probably happiness from flopping on the staff there because oh how I adore them. Oh, and you know, work and stuff. (Plus there’s always the daily essentials like snuggle my Monster and play with our cats.) There’s also some Halloween costume crafting to get finished, but I’m not stressing that. Fionna the Human and Prince Gumball will be stylin’ this year. Adventure Time, C’mon Grab Your Friends!
I’m laying the groundwork for some big changes, and it feels daunting but exciting. I have some sponsor letters drafted to see if I can get a Rails Girls event going in the early months of 2015. A fair number of my ladyfriends, young and old, have expressed interest in participating, and our buddy Sam (graduate of the Flatiron School and former roommate of the inimitable Tomthulhu) has offered to coach the weekend-long workshop. I’m looking into communities in the Philadelphia area that encourage, teach, and support women in tech domains, and have reached out to the Hacktory to see how I can get involved there.
A dear friend works for [redacted tech company], and has offered to teach me the basics of database administration — a skill that could allow me to work entirely from home or mostly-remotely within the next year. It would likely mean a 55 hour work-week, BUT, given that to keep my current gig, I’d be commuting an hour each way, would be paying $200/month just to park my car (AUGH) and would not have the freedom to make my own hours, DBAdmin looks like a net gain for me in terms of time, flexibility, and satisfaction. Health insurance would be a bit of a thing; but isn’t it always? Database administration chops and experience would make me pretty recruit-able, and would give me the time and materials to pick up Ruby, my first programming language, organize and attend maker-type meetings and events, and would open a ton of doors in analysis and business intelligence — a place I would love to land, because data makes me drool on myself. You know, contemplative drool. It’s dignified. Somewhere in there, I’d also like to pick up German, Norsk, or Dutch, because why the h*ll not. (Ginny, let’s speak German and work from coffee shops!) *Edited to add: it appears that the cost of health insurance through the ACA Marketplace would be equivalent to what I’d be paying to park my car at my current job, so those expenses would cancel one another. Combine that with not spending what I’d be spending to drive back and forth, and that a 55 hour work-week would give me $150 more per paycheck, I’d be netting well in the black, even after paying for health insurance.*
As all of this starts to look less like me daydreaming and more like How I Will Actually Spend 2015, I am periodically struck by how much happier and more myself I am for having culled negative, obsessive, and predatory people out of my life so completely. Good Riddance, y’all. If I had kept on in those friendships and relationships, there’s no way my life would be as full of wonder, promise, and love as it is now. T and I had a talk of medium-length last night about how tough (but necessary) it is for us to balance the things we must do with all the awesome things we want to be doing, and I muttered into his neck “Our life is so awesome.” He agreed with as much enthusiasm as an exhausted man running a fever could do. He also took a moment to remind me that weekends with me remain a top priority for him, that he’s looking forward to our move to the city, and that he hopes fervently that I can leave my job shortly after New Years. What a dreamboat, tha’. (:3
I occasionally catch word of goings-on in a life I intentionally left behind and feel a cascade of relief, gratitude, and good fortune for having been given such good cause to exit with a quickness. Like, hey! Thanks for being /so terrible/ dudes. You did me a solid. As awful, invasive, petty, and f*cking insane as it felt at the time, it was maybe just what I needed to be reminded that co-dependence, martyr complexes, perpetual trauma-reenactment, and arrogance are the Blob to my Downingtown Diner. Those traits can fill every crack and crevice of even a well-constructed and curated life, choking out the life, the fun, the romance, and the room for growth and change.
Now, as I look to the future, I’m filled with energy, hope, and optimism. And lists of three things, because I just like them, okay? I do. More later on what transpires. Now, on to the work day.