So after a six week intermittent exchange of fire, my image has been removed from the facebook page belonging to my former troupe. It only took me noting that I had made several requests in writing, reporting the images to facebook, and noting that I planned to retain counsel to have my requests taken seriously! Excuses were made about how emotionally taxing and apparently, technically difficult it was to find and delete all the images, and I was mostly like, dude. It took me less than five minutes to find and flag them all, plus write all the notes and take screenshots of the whole thing. This is not rocket science.
This comes after continuing to receive phone calls, every month, from audience members, two months after no longer being associated with the show. This includes last night, three hours before curtain on a show they didn’t think to announce to anyone that they had cancelled. Then I threw myself a confetti party, drank wine with my mom, had a hot bath and went to bed. I’ll probably be changing my phone number next week, to assure that contact with that entire group of people is actually impossible. I cannot wait.
I fully expected a lot of pushback once I mentioned legal action (the producer of the show is, in fact, a lawyer [and a rather unstable bully, frankly]). And then I remembered that I am an unstoppable force of nature, with a solid understanding of the law and a will of f*cking iron. Oh, right! Come at me, bro.
This had me thinking about ‘drama’ both as a colloquial short cut, and a phenomenon. I myself, hate the word. I find it trivializing, and often, that it assigns blame to the wrong parties. Everyone I spoke to about my choice to escalate this issue from an interpersonal conflict to a potential legal action was like: Do it. No one said drama once. Except, you know, me. To myself. Because what even, Rabbit. “Oh, this is just perpetuating drama.” I said to myself, in an effort to excuse myself from doing what was brave and correct. Like a dumb*ss.
People are really eager to say things like, “No Drama,” or “I hate drama.” And I’m like, what does that even mean. Dealing with people in any capacity whatsoever means that there will occur some variety and degree of conflict over competing needs and priorities. So when you say, “no drama,” what I hear is, “I want to get my way all the time, and when I don’t because you’re a person with needs and desires separate and distinct from my own, I’ll accuse you of bringing drama, so that you’ll STFU and give me what I want.” The person who says that is a dillhole. That person is up there with the dillholes who open with, “No Offense, But…” It’s verbal sleight of hand that is calculated to minimize someone else’s needs or requests in such a way that they no longer read as valid or worthy of concern. It’s a great gaslighting technique, because ew, no one likes drama or the people who bring it, gross. Except what in the actual heck, drama is an empty term. It’s like the way some people use ‘passive-aggressive’ or ‘ignorant.’ THAT DOES NOT MEAN WHAT YOU ARE USING IT TO MEAN WORDS HAVE REAL ACTUAL LEXICOGRAPHICAL MEANINGS YOU CAN LOOK THEM UP IN THE DICTIONARY OH MY GOODNESS.
And here I was, doing it to my own gorgeous self. Like a dillhole. Why did I do that? Excellent question.
The answer, I’m guessing, is Entitlement and How I Don’t Have Very Much of It. I will minimize and trivialize the ever-loving snot out of myself and my own needs if it means that a conflict I don’t want to have doesn’t have to happen. This is doubly true, if I expect to be punished or targeted or gaslit by the person or persons with whom I anticipate the conflict. So here, let me just do that for you, imaginary interlocutor! I’ll do it to my own self, so you don’t have to, and I won’t have to anticipate it (and be right), and we can all just move on with our days.
Yeah. I’mma stop that, right now. No more drama. No. I mean stop using that word. It’s a dumb word. Knock it off. No I mean it.